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Effective Communication

5 May 2016 | LCDR Garry Thornton; Chaplain WWR Marine Corps Base Quantico

I am reminded of the story of a fellow who fancied himself an expert at marital communication. In fact, one day while talking with a friend, he explained how skilled he was at talking to his wife. He said, “Communicating with my wife is no problem, at all. I tell her how to dress, what to cook and when to come to bed.”

Ouch!

Relationships are hard work, and marriage is not for the faint-of-heart! Honestly, sometimes it takes all of our patience to put up with… I mean communicate effectively with our spouse. After nearly 25 years of pastoral care and counseling – much of it with husbands and wives in relationship distress – I have learned that communication really is the key. The fact of the matter is that if we cannot communicate, we cannot operate as a couple, especially if children are involved.

That is also the conclusion of the folks at P.R.E.P., Incorporated, which we chaplains and Marine Corps Family Team Building use as the foundation for our “Effective Communication Seminar for Couples” here at Marine Corps Base Quantico.

P.R.E.P. stands for Prevention Relationship Enhancement Program. The P.R.E.P. approach is a scientifically-based and empirically-tested method of teaching relationship education. It is based on over 30 years of research in the field of relationship health, with much of the research conducted at the University of Denver and sponsored by the National Institutes of Health.

Lack of healthy communication skills has been shown in many studies to be a major source of marital dissatisfaction. And, damaging or destructive communication patterns no doubt contribute significantly to difficulties in sexual expression, lack of intimacy and a host of other issues, not the least of which being separation or divorce.

In his best-selling book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus (1992), author and relationship counselor, John Gray, states that most common relationship problems between men and women are a result of fundamental psychological differences based on gender. These include and/or effect the way that we communicate. Thus, the “planetary” divide. But, these differences do not have to turn into deal breakers.

Knowledge is power! We all ought to seek to grow in grace and in understanding with respect to the one we say that we love. In order to fulfill the biblical mandate for couples put forward by the Apostle Paul, we must seek to “…serve each other out of respect for Christ.” (Ephesians 5:21) Becoming familiar with the communication danger warning signs and how to use the speaker-listener technique, as well as learning our mate’s personal love language can serve to put us on the road to self-awareness, care for our spouse and, thus, marital bliss!

If you would like to explore how you might communicate more effectively with your better-half – or anyone for that matter – I would encourage you to consider signing up for one of our quarterly “Effective Communication Seminars for Couples” using the P.R.E.P. approach. In fact, we have just added a new date, May 4. For more information call 703-432-1878, or you may register online at http://ow.ly/4mX9Yh.

And, remember, if you are facing challenges in your relationship, your unit chaplain is a great source of pastoral care and counseling, as well as encouragement. And what you share is 100 percent confidential.

Marine Corps Base Quantico